Out on the sea.. leaving a familiar shore and out of the blue.

Marian  Hello and welcome! 

Voor de Hollanders onder jullie, er is een Hollandse pagina in de kolom aan de linkerkant. Welkom op mijn blog! Regelmatig voeg ik een journaal toe om up to date te blijven. Op mijn YouTube kanalen Marian B. en Marian Baghor zijn diashows te zien van mijn foto’s.

My first year in Britain:A walk in the Mendip Hills 07-2015 (3).jpg

A walk in the Mendip Hills Somerset UK, look for the tiny tower on Glastonbury’s Tor on the horizon and the tiny wanderers in the field. It’s where I lived the first year of my new life in the UK. Devon is my first destination, with Dartmoor as my favourite landscape. There’s still more waiting for me, to be explored. Brittany and Normandy are two near future destinations for travels. Plus the Scilly Islands and the Isle of Wight.

Oswald 11-2015
Oswald, a gentle dog-friend, walking on Wednesdays, exploring the footpaths near Wookey Hole

Now that I’m working on the land again, as volunteer, I’m reminded of the magic of nature and the achievements we as human beings can make. Here’s an inspirational video about the creation of a permaculture-inspired project in a desert: 


A little in between about my past and the year 2010 a year of awakening, with an enormous start:

On my birthday, Jan 1st 2010, just like that, or so it seems, out of the deepest blue, standing in my living room, I spoke out loud:

“From now on I will come out of the closet with all that is in me and I will show all of my faces and all of my masks”.


Ons gezin met de 4 oudsten bij huis F.C. Donderslaan tante Mien Erenga       Marietje                                                    Marietje, white ribbon in hair 1956 and 1958        

Well…. ! That’s been a wild ride for sure,  not knowing what inner  earthquakes  this prophecy to myself would cause, than and in the years to come.  Now that we’re arrived in 2018, I’ve come to understand a bit more of what that prophecy  was about and what it still holds, at present, in its folds. My life has changed for the better, I’ve come closer in receiving truth as a friend, remembering who I am and the freedom to receive/manifest well-being. Although truth is perception and interpretation of it on a personal level also. Maybe there are as many interpretations of the reality we perceive as there are human beings in this world?

Making too much of the past that was and too little of the present, isn’t fruitful to me. Pondering the “why?” the “what?”and “who?” has lasted long enough on a large scale. I’m withdrawing my energy from it, celebrating my life is what I choose and hope to share with others. Creating a way of life that aims at self-sustenance, with a home and garden, soil to grow food, hold hens or geese, creating independence. Freedom from a system that’s alien to life and nature, it’s rules abusing our human nature and value.

The time of the lone wolf is over. The book “Women who run with wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes is in my top 10 favourites list.

New ways of looking at the motions of life and how it unfolds are showing up increasingly, often in moments of tiny growth-spurts. A consistent opening of windows with new views, new vistas. Think a moment about this: a process is as much part of manifestation as the manifestation of the result or fruition of that process. To allow for an everlasting motion of life force,  with clear intent and focus, with insights revealing, choices presenting themselves, while present in each moment.

Doesn’t that take out the sting of frustration and impatience? The suffering, due to our mind in judgement, telling us that we want to be done with it and get over it for feeling wary and uncomfortable? That unhappiness is a creation of our mind and not our fate?

Who dares to admit that unhappiness is a choice? Who dares to step into the freedom of making a new choice when a former one doesn’t work well? Who dares to overrule the fear of losing face, the change of direction, while others march on like lemmings, blinded and senseless in the end, falling off the cliff?

A new paradigm? The whirring windmills of our mind are following a program. A repetition of the same old…. same old…. Saying that one can’t help being who one is, holding on to an attitude that brings frustration, is simply an excuse and refuse to change and be responsible. The program causing our mind to follow certain thought patterns, can be changed. We’re able to observe them as separate from that part of us that observes, the part of us that knows, residing in the freedom of observation without the presence of a limiting program and fear of the unknown, fear of change.

When a shadow is cast by a tree, on a sunny day, it’s apparent to our physical eyes. A shadow in our nature often obscures clarity of observation. To our inner eyes it’s often unnoticed, or even denied, when stumbled upon. I perceive an inner shadow as covered up light. When we begin to synchronise our internal and external world, it will be an act of love onto ourselves and onto others. For the blame game will come to an end and a door opens to a change of heart.

When a growth-process, through a rainbow of emotions and feelings, is appreciated as part of the manifestation that we create and bring forth, the experience will seem to be shorter, lighter and clearer. Due to the sense of being at the steering wheel of one’s life. Creativity can be fuel for our life, when we’re able to let go of hanging on to a projection in the future, allowing an unfolding of a process, a reaching of destiny,  without a compulsive attitude toward the result of the work.

The first step of a manifestation merges with the last step, holding each step in between as equally valuable, also on a human level when human labour is part of it. All is becoming part of a circle, ending the linear mental stance of ambition that is focused on the future only, hunting for results that are fixed outcomes, ignoring the beauty of growth and flowering of a project. In an attempt to control and make people and objects malleable in order to reach a fixed goal, no matter what.

Aren’t we witnessing a growing number of people fitting in malleable forms, made by those who are devotees of AI and its minions? Living in one’s screen is living as cyborg, close to serving AI and it’s a most subtle hypnosis, a velvet prison designed by Walt Disney’s studios and Hollywood’s masters, ruling the mass entertainment industry, the Wizards of Oz in our present time.

Take this as food for thought and digest it with your own unique digestive system: can you stomach a painful truth? Do you nurture your kidneys, are you sweet to your pancreas, are you training your gut, maintaining a healthy immune system? We all know the term “gut-feeling” isn’t it? Our intuition is a natural part of us, a guide if you will, that knows the difference between our instincts and our “knowing without knowing how or why”.

When you’re bored with life, run out of ideas, please try something new in your daily diet of experiences and activities. Find new ingredients for your life’s plan, grow herbs along that path and enjoy the scent, the colours of wild flowers. Keep moving, changing, evolving, life is meant to be that way. But don’t run for the finish, enjoy every step on the way, alone and in company of others. We’re also meant to rub shoulders and sparring creates opportunities for self-reflection and sorting out one’s priorities. Have fun!

The Wishing Well of Wonders is a creation that offers an endless source of images and info, though it’s mostly experienced in a narrow bandwidth at the 3rd eye/front of the brain – instant gratification seeking location. Life isn’t meant to entertain this limitation of junkfood-satisfaction for the mind, which is never at ease in that fast forward mode, absent in the present.

There’s dark humor in this, the secret key to wisdom, that when openness and freedom to perceive truth, is most needed, often the door to clear thinking is closed shut. In some conditions the door of the heart closes as well. Due to my own life-experiences, I’ve come to understand why and how the door of the heart is closed. It’s a lonely place, bereft of trust in life.

Humanity’s collective consciousness is programmed by duality-consciousness.. Good and bad.. right and wrong, as long as we live on planet Earth as human beings in the present condition of a 3D limited existence. Life experiences, for many people are often harsh and painful, traumatising.

An instinctual reaction, similar to an animal response, is to shield the parts that are wounded. “I don’t want to feel this pain” and the human mind is creative in achieving the covering up of unwelcome feelings and emotions. I’ve done that myself, until I woke up. That waking up never stops, as far as I’m awake now, saying this.

There’s another way of living with a rainbow of emotions on planet Earth, for it’s in the identification with emotions and feelings that we begin to believe in them as facts and obstacles, limiting our consciousness and damaging our confidence and our practice of autonomy.

In that state we can easily believe that we’re helpless, tossed around by fate, telling ourselves that this is what life’s about, an empty existence without a purpose. Where’s your connection with your soul? 

We tell ourselves how our reality shows up, once we wake up to that realisation, even when we choose to take courage and CHOOSE to believe that we tell ourselves how our reality shows up, trying out if it works for us, we can find the key to observation of truth without being overwhelmed or ruled by it.

Each of us has a unique path of discovery and finding of insights, new views en ideas. There’s a secret in life that isn’t talked about when we grow up and that’s the magic of love, expressed in the affinity for ourselves in our own heart, assisting us to live life in joy and creative excitement, in freedom of expression.

To me, it’s all or nothing, when my nature speaks. I mean every fiber and muscle is alive as long as I’ve got a say in it. And so it is. That’s also true in love. No halfhearted exploring, goodness… no! To me, the best life-vitamin is a good sense of humor and abundance of creativity. I’m blessed with both!

Marian 01-2018 (2)
Marian 2018

Though my vision of early childhood, as a minister’s daughter growing up in a strictly reformed Calvinistic church-institute in Holland,  of the meaning of life, was a scenery with me and all members of our church singing in white robes in front of God’s throne, after hurrying to leave planet Earth, the place where the devil grins and lurks.

In the journey through my life I’ve changed my vision. I’ve begun to learn that it’s here, on planet Earth, where all the giggles, also in “hallelujah” joy may be experienced on planet Earth. The gift of life is meant to be cherished, the trust that life is rich and abundant should be cherished as well, from a young age. Children are sparkling with curiosity and eager to play, learn and experience. So that they’re confident, by being loved and nurtured on all levels. 

I believe that it’s in that stance that we’re able to create abundance and well-being. It starts with ourselves, within our inner world, our perception of life in general and our own. We need to outgrow the program that has held us in hypnosis for a very long time, telling us to live according to other people’s rules, be it authorities of church, politics or builders of the community near our home. A down-to-earth-way of exploring and experiencing creativity and freedom of expression are tools to reset our way of living, which is poor in many aspects, due to limitation and ignorance.

In other words, I’ve turned 180 degrees about the meaning of my life on planet Earth, embodying my soul and coming into my own. Just like Gaia herself has grown into her own, patient to accompany us and assist us in that process of maturing, or graduation, as I perceive it. My vision for the near future is that we’re in for a magnificent change for the first time in all of our lifetimes. If we choose the path of love, for life and changes in how we perceive and interpret reality.

A tremendous leap in consciousness, a growth spurt that is taking our breath away and offers great calm and peace as well. Beautifully bewildering in a growing of trust in love and life. The celebration of my/our soul’s embodiment, leading toward a healed and connected humanity on planet Earth, with all living beings, finding peace at last, that’s what I envision.

Baghor final phase 04-2015My drawing of Baghor, representing an alias, who travelled through the desert and found the water of life after hardship. The name is given to me by a 2 year old boy Aaron.               

I’ve chosen Baghor as my writer’s name.

My YouTube channels are Marian B. and Marian Baghor, with slideshows of pictures mainly, showing impressions of Holland and England’s cities, villages and the countryside:

The quest for truth is an adventure, similar to a walk around planet Earth. There’s always crossings where I find myself on the same spot where I was earlier in life, meeting old friends, situations more or less repeating themselves in different forms. I’m never saved from myself and as long as I’m good company to myself, that’s okay, great. Also, that goes for others living with me on planet Earth, eventually I meet my fellow human beings at crossroads too. There’s no escape, making peace with them is key, to me. There’s no greater sense of liberation than to let go of resistance and surrender to what is, with love and a good sense of humor, seeing the world with changed eyes.

It can be done.

Here’s my recent slideshow video with impressions of my life between Dartmoor and the sea.

Here’s a text by Herbert Grunemeier, from his album MENSCH (in German) which  brings me to tears to this day:

Der Weg

“Ich kan nicht mehr sehen. Trau nicht mehr meinen Augen. Kann kaum noch glauben. Gefuhle haben sich gedreht. Ich bin viel zu trage um aufsugeben. Es ware auch zu fruh. Weil immer was geht. Wir waren verschworen. Waren fur einander gestorben. Haben den Regen gebogen. Uns Vertrauen geliehen. Wir haben versucht auf der Schussfahrt zu wenden. Nichts was zu spat, aber vieles zu fruh. 

Wir haben uns geschoben. Dutch alle Gezeiten. Haben uns verzettelt. Uns verzweifelt geliebt. Wir haben die Wahrheit so gut es ging verlogen. Es war ein Stuck vom Himmel das es dich gibt. Du hast jeden Raum mit Sonne geflutet. Hast jeden Verdruss ins Gegenteil verkehrt. Nordisch nobel, deine sanftmutige Gute. Dein unbandiger Stolz. Das Leben is nicht fair. Den Film getanzt in einem silbernen Raum. Vom goldenen Balkon die Unendlichkeit bestaunt. Heillos versunken, trunken, weil alles war erlaubt. Zusammen im Zeitraffer Mittsommernachtstraum. Du hast jeden Raum mit Sonne geflutet. Hast jeden Verdruss ins Gegenteil verkehrt. Nordisch nobel, deine sanftmutige Gute. Dein unbendiger Stolz. Das Leben ist nicht fair. 

Dein sicherer Gang, deine wahren Gedichte. Deine heitere Wurde. Dein unerschutterliches Geschick. Du hast der Fugung deine Stirn geboten. Hast ihn nie verraten, deinen Plan vom Gluck. Ich gehe niet weg, hab meine First verlangert. Neue Zeitreise, offene Welt. Habe dich sicher in meiner Seele, ich trag dich bei mir bis der Vorhang fallt. Ich trag dich bei mir, bis der Vorhang fallt”.

Here’s the English version:

“I can’t see anymore, I put no trust in my eyes anymore, 

can hardly believe anymore – feelings have turned around. 

I’m much too lazy to give up. Would be too early anyway,                                                     

because something always works out.

We were conspired, would have died for each other,
bowed the rain, lent each other trust.
We tried to reverse, full speed down hill.
Nothing was too late, but a lot too early.
We pushed each other through all the tides,
we frittered, loved each other desperately.
We lied about the truth as good as possible.
It was a piece of heaven that you were there.
You flooded every room with sunshine,
converted every displeasure into its opposite.
Nordic noble – your gentle kindness,
your irrepressible pride… Life is not fair.
Danced the movie in a silver room,
admired infinity from the golden balcony.
Hopelessly sunk, drunk and everything was permitted.
Together in time lapse. Midsummernight’s dream.
You flooded every room with sunshine,
converted every displeasure into its opposite.
Nordic noble – your gentle kindness,
your irrepressible pride… Life is not fair.
Your confident pace, your true poems,
your bright dignity, your unshakeable aptitude.
You made head against destiny.
Never revealed your idea of happiness,
your idea of happiness.
I don’t go away, I’ve extended my term.
New time travel, open world.
I have you safely in my soul.
I’ll carry you with me until the curtain falls.
I’ll carry you with me until the curtain falls”.


Here’s a story in 13 chapters, written and illustrated by me in 1999:                                  “The Godmother of Elf Twinkle and her new friends”


Illustrations for The aunt of elve Twinkel

My SoundCloud name is Victoria Baghor  – you’ll find my readings about adventures with animals, human beings and the elements, all thriving by nature’s wisdom. The readings of “Alice in Wonderland” part 1 and 2 are present here:

Examples of my pictures in nature, in Holland and the UK:

Strabrechtse heide Heeze- Geldrop 09-2013 (5).jpg
The South of Holland in August with purple heather in bloom

Danny Kaye in Jester's king (7)

Danny Kaye in “The King’s Jester” overthrowing the “powers that be” in a most hilarious ego-shriveling way. Danny shows great agility and wit, in appearance, voice and acting the fool. He’s one of my favorite actors, for I’m a bit of a jester too, usually lighthearted.   I make attempts to not be a snow queen, thawing her shield of ice in her fire of fury…  HA!

The Dutch beach and dunes near Scheveningen
The “Seven Sisters” East Sussex

I arrived here without knowing that this would show up at the end of my walk to the sea and I slept on the pebbles, before returning to Alciston YHA. Here are the seven white cliffs of chalk, millions of years have passed while this structure was build up, layer after layer. Due to the lowering of the sea level, this cliff shows what’s been formed by tiny sea-creatures’ skeletons.  Awesome, isn’t it? When you think of it.


The Dutch beach and dunes near Scheveningen
A walk from Alfriston along a riverbed, arriving at the seaside with the “Seven Sisters” in view      at the coast of  Sussex. One of the beautiful walks I’ve enjoyed in the UK, this one in 2004.
Strabrechtse heide Heeze- Geldrop 09-2013 (5).jpg
                    The South of Holland “Strabrechtse heide” in August 2013 in purple heather        

Copyright @tHeArtofCare


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Marian B.

I'm a creative and resourceful woman, never too old to be young, living between the Sea and the Moors, spinner of wool, weaver of words, a rainbow in the clouds.

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